the yellow wall surrounds my aunt’s aquarelle of two tomatoes

quiet night

salty peanuts and snus

four years isn’t a very long time

in four years a lot can happen

do we share any memories?

do you remember the good parts?

nostalgia used to be a clinical diagnosis

hope comes in the most chaotic of places

that doesn’t justify disorder when it’s not needed

it doesn’t justify order either

enough!

I just want to be

but the brain wants to make sense

and there isn’t any

a spider crawling in the corner

next to the mirror

if my breath hits the web the spider interpret it like a catch

does anyone catch what I’ve been trying to say between the lines ever since I started writing?

it’s not metaphors you know,

I write what I hear, what I live

perception will always fool you but sometimes intuition leads you back to the way

candles lit 

breath smells of cigar and loneliness

forsaken body, time spent out of context

I get it

I don’t get it

I failed to make connections and friends

this is the way

apparently

what if I could come out as a different species?

like… a jellyfish?

if so, can I come out as a cloud?

the same memories are buried deep inside our spine and DNA 

we all share ancestry, down to the very first bacteria

is that art? is it science?

future islands, the band even got mainstream

yet

we seem to live differently from our convictions

sky is turning ultramarine blue mixed with white

makes the trees look darker

did you know that Tellus is very unique in its abundance of trees?

minerals you can find almost anywhere in the universe

there’s even planets made of diamond and gold

I don’t need science fiction 

when reality is so very transformingly rich

yeah,

I hope they can decode it all

maybe 233 years from now

and in four years from now,

I will still only remember the good parts

even though everything is gone already